I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The uberlube is also flammable
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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