everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
