I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
