elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize