You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
