Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
