giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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