I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
