I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
