When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
