my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
