There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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