Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
