shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Four minutes until I can fart!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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