He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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