i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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