Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
