My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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