you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She's the barista slut.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
