I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
