You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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