it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
