Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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