guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize