My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
