my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
