I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Barsexuality is the new black.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
