Sponge bath it is.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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