My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
