I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
