You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
