I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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