the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
