Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize