I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
