where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
