apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
