I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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