Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
