I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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