There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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