were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize