scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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