why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
