it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I need water and some morals
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