it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
