I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
