I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she woke up with a sticky ear
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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