i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
