Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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