I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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