dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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