I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i will never coherently bang her
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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