where am i from again
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
try to milk me bitch
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