I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
