She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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