If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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