there was a trapeze. enough said
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Vodka?
Forever.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
