What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
