He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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