I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize