im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
