I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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