At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
