I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
