remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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