I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize