This dress was meant to end up on your floor
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
