If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
