Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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