living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
