For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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