Farmville is her only friend.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
