My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
