My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
