im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
