Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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