i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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