We're facebook friends in real life
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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