I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
