so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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