I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
