did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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