I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
