i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize