I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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