I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
