i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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