What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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