I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize