I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
