so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
