How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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