She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
