I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
