He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
