he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
