Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
