I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
