I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
we're so committed to being not committed
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize