Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Drunk walkin through police station. America
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
