I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
