have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
