dude i'm inner monologue high
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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