playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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