I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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