JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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