i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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