Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize