i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
